"You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all; because once you are real you can’t ever be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” Velveteen Rabbit
Why am I starting with this quote? It's actually a really great quote and can mean so many different things to different people. To me, personally, it's about my dog, Savannah. It's really hard for me to express my emotions right now, because they are still so raw, but I feel like I should update those of you who know and love Savannah. Unfortunately, her cancer is back, only this time, it's in her bone. (First of all, I want to say, that I have great respect for my friends and family who have dealt with cancer and I don't want you for one second to feel that I think this is as big of a deal. I can not imagine going through what many of you have)
I wanted to post this here because I thought this would be easier than explaining it several different times. The past few weeks have been difficult for me because I had to make a tough decision. We decided to have Savannah's front leg amputated and start chemo in 2 weeks. I know this is probably a shock to some of you. Why would we choose this? Well, my initial reaction was, "no way!" But y'all know me, I did lots and lots of research and realized, this is the most humane way for Savannah. I did not do this to keep her around longer for me, trust me, I did this for Savannah. It's what's best. She had the surgery on Tuesday and came home to us Wednesday. I'm not going to lie, it's been difficult. I only slept for 30 minutes the first night she was home (part of that was on a dog bed!). But with the help of my mom, we got through that first night. I know one day, my mom and I will laugh about how we carried her outside (for the first time) on a sheet, in our pajamas at 2:00 in the morning. Neighbors were flipping on lights... ugh... oh well. She currently has on a morphine patch, so she is not in any pain. (even if she was, they say, the pain of the surgery doesn't even compare to the pain she would eventually feel from bone cancer) She's a little loopy, but other than that, ok. The good news is, SHE'S WALKING!! She started trying last night. We haven't let Jackson get too close to her yet. Not that he would hurt her, I just want to keep her as calm as possible. She's doing really well, but in "typical" Savannah style, she knows that I will do whatever she wants, and that means feed her whatever she wants. So, she turns her nose up at the dog food and manipulates me to give her real people food. Oh well, whatever Savannah wants, Savannah gets. I've always described her as beautiful, she's even more so now. This just shows her strength. She is such an inspiration to me, and I am so proud of all that she has overcome, especially in the past 24 hours. The twins were crying last night to go downstairs and see "JaJa" and "YaYa". We tried everything to distract them, even Elmo, but that didn't work. It's just too early. I know the next few weeks are going to be a challenge, but I know Savannah, and she will get through this like she has everything else. I will keep you posted, and hopefully get back to happy stories on this blog.
I am thankful Savannah will now be pain free. And I'm thankful, we caught the cancer before it moved to her lungs.
M
